I'M NOT SCARED OF THE DARK

not anymore. I’m not scared of heights, or the ocean, or 

those tall, metal staircases with no railings. I’m not scared of clowns, but

I think they’re creepy. I’m not even scared of thunderstorms or the way that the whole world feels 

on standby when the power goes out. what scares me are mirrors. 

I’m terrified of mirrors. 

I hate everything about them. 

I’m scared of getting papercuts in my eyes. I’m scared of bleeding 

to death from a thousand tiny cuts across my body. I’m scared of finding a knife in my neck 

and not knowing how it got there. I’m scared of sleeping in so late 

I forget how to function. I’m scared of waking up one day and never being okay again. 

I’m scared of my skin. 

I’m scared of everyone’s skin. 

I’m scared of mirrors, because they show me things I don’t want to see. I’m scared of mirrors 

because they’re avenues into a state I don’t want to be in. I’m scared of waking up one day 

and never being okay again. I’m scared of being in a room but not really being there, because 

my mind is a thousand thoughts away. I’m scared of shaking and twitching and panicking 

even when my mind says everything’s okay. I’m scared of waking up one day 

and never being okay again. I’m scared that one day 

my family and friends will look at me and realize what I’ve known all along. 

I’m scared of my hands and my fingers. I’m so, so scared of my hands. 

I’m scared of my lungs and the times they choose to stop working. 

I’m scared of cold water. why am I still scared of cold water? it’s been 

ten years and I’m still scared of cold water. I can’t breathe, I can’t 

breathe, I can’t breathe. 

I’m scared of not being able to breathe. I’m scared of mirrors and 

what happens if I can’t breathe and there’s a mirror? 

what will I see looking back at me? I’m scared of my hands and 

my hands when I’m staring back at myself in a mirror. I’m so, so scared of my hands 

and of bleeding out by a thousand tiny little cuts. I’m scared of waking up one day 

and never being okay again. I’m scared of waking up and not being able to 

breathe, not being able to move. I’m scared of cold showers and cold water and 

the idea of being alone without something to fill my hands, without something to 

fill my head, with any mirror at all 

somewhere with me in the room. I’m so scared. 

scared of people, and myself sometimes. what if 

I wake up one day and there’s a knife in my neck and 

I don’t know how it got there? what if 

I wake up one day and I don’t wake up at all? I just lay there, unmoving, 

unbreathing, terrified that someone’s going to come find and me and 

look at me and realize what I’ve known all along. 

I’m not scared of the dark, I’m not scared of the dark, I’m not 

scared of the dark.